Jan 29 2009
You know I once wrote a letter to myself,and it said that I was not to blame that I was just a victim of circumstance.It's been a while since I wrote that letter,and I wish I had it with me to read.I need encouragement right now,and I can only draw so much from myself.Now my mom,and my friends give me support from time to time,but I just feel like they say things to me to pacify me.I don't have no one who is successful in a positive way to inspire me.All I see around me is negative people,places,and things.But these are the people I love.I don't want to abandon them even if they would not do the same for me.Now in hindsight that is such a silly thing to say,but thats how my mind works.I try to inspire people to be better,but when it comes to me I find it hard to take my own advice.Funny thing is I wouldn't have it any other way.If I didn't have these problems in my life I could see myself doing well,but I wouldn't be as loved as I am right now.So I guess there is a certain bliss to my difficulty.It's just after you've added 2 and 2 together so long,and you keep getting 3.... you tend to get frustrated.I see people sometimes,and I admit I'm envious at the simplicity of their lives.I think to myself man why can't I have it that easy?The answer is I put too much thought into my everyday living that I couldn't be simplistic even if I tried.I don't want to settle for less in any aspect of my life.I'm afraid my time will run out one day,and then I'll realize I've passed by all my better years searching for the things that were never meant to be for me in the first place.The truth is I'd rather live like this than to lower myself to a level I know I'm better than.I've fooled a lot of people in my life,but the one person I've never fooled was myself.I can not betray what makes me happy,and live a certain way others see fit for me.I mean if people are so sure whats good for me why don't they try on my skin for a few minutes or my mind for that matter.Just my thoughts for today.
No comments:
Post a Comment